Posts Tagged ‘self-help’

we’ve all had that feeling, a person we like or who we are attracted to walks into the room and suddenly our heart rate picks up, we become all fidgety and lead-footed and inexplicably we seem to loose the power of speach, well coherent speach anyway.

” Ah fah cowa da me Andy, you…” – You get my drift.

It’s human nature, we’ve all felt that way at some time or other. However, every time we speak to a person we learn more about human interaction.

If only we could speak to an ‘attractive’ member of the opposite sex with the same composure that we display when speaking to ‘old aunty Ethel’ say, ‘she’ thinks we are witty, charming AND good looking…hmm, how do we transfer this self assurity to people we are attracted to then?

The glib answer would be to treat them exactly the same,  the same as ‘old aunty Ethel’ but think about this for a minute, if we were actually capable of doing this would it get us results?

YES, OF COURSE IT WOULD. We would come across as calm, friendly and genuine, everything a good friend should be and the best relationships are always born out of good friendships.

So to qualify as a good friend we have to be ‘calm, friendly and genuine’ NOT good looking, NOT a brilliant speaker, NOT popular, NOT sporty and NOT intellegent…Hmm, I can manage that.

The true art of speaking to members of the opposite sex is to treat them EXACTLY the same as you would your buddies, that’s it in a nutshell, no one-liners, no showing off, just you being you.


If you don’t then that’s up to you but people are becomming more and more sophisticated these days and most of us are capable of spotting a phoney a mile off.

People will be pleasantly surpised by your genuineness, your ‘normallness’, these character traits create interest and more importantly they create TRUST.

Put romance on the back burner and simply concentrate on making friends. Really listen to people, find out what they are good at and what you have in common with them, then TELL them you have these things in common.

People like people who are like they are, they don’t like people who disagree with them.

Do not obsess about one individual, there really are ‘plenty more fish in the sea’ we cannot force anyone to like us and if someone doesn’t like us they will not be right for us, do not be second best or settle for second best, those kind of relationships are built on sand.

A few tips to grease the wheels of friendship AND romance:

# Smile slowly, it comes across as far more genuine and specially reserved for the recipient.

# Women are attracted to the colour blue (reliable, assertive, kind), men are attracted to the colour pink (friendly and approachable)

# Dress smartly, dress is very important, if you dont feel comfortable in smart clothes practice wearing them in private. Wear them primarily for you to make yourself feel good.

# Smell nice, people place far too much emphasis on looks, smell is probably more important and it takes zero effort.

# Be in the know, gen up on titbits, interesting news items, sport, finance. You don’t have to be an expert just read the headlines.

Practice makes perfect and the content of the opening line is UNIMPORTANT, it’s the icebreaker and people will love you for offering them a few friendly words, and if they don’t they are either having a bad day, are preoccupied with something or they are ignorant.

Whatever it is don’t let it spoil your day.



There’s something so good and wholesome about nostalgia, it gives us a warm glow and makes us feel better about our lives, but were things really so much better in the past than they are right now?

Of course not, it’s just that we choose to remember things that way. The past is safe, it’s done with, unlike the present it doesn’t hold any uncertainty for us.

Nostalgia is in fact a natural anti-depressant, the brain’s way of giving us a tonic or a pick-me-up. Nostalgia is almost always associated with positive events even when the trigger for the memory is something negative.

Mondays tend to be the day when most people experience nostalgia because as the brain struggles to re-motivate us after the weekend it has to fight against our unwillingness to get back into the work routine. So it’s way of appeasing us is to make us feel happier about our lot by recalling a host of good memories.

I personally don’t like to holiday in the same place twice, apart from wanting to see as much of the world as possible I believe that re-visiting a place can tarnish the original memory, and there’s nothing worse than having your cherished memories shot to peices.

Nostalgia is a very powerful feeling and one that advertisers and marketers exploit to the full. They focus on the prefered era of their target audience and then do all they can to transport us back to it, back to a time when things just seemed to feel better. Once they’ve got us feeling all ga-ga they make an association to their product and they’ve got us. Simples!

We start experiencing feelings of loss and nostalgia from the age of seven, and these feelings effect every single one of us.

As well as making us feel better nostalgia has two other important functions. It helps to create bonds between us and it also boosts an individual’s self-esteem. These two things are vital for producing successful groups, teams and even societies.

Knowing how important nostalgia is you can start putting it to good use in your life, remeniscing with people automatically creates ‘history’ with them even if your memories are totally different and subsequently the bonding process is greatly accelerated.

Even in a short space of time it’s possible to get a broad overview of a person’s character, then by repeating their beliefs and sayings back to them they will automatically start to bond with you. If you are in a sales orientated profession and most of us are at least to some extent, then this is a vital skill to master because people prefer to deal with people who are like THEY are.

Personally, I like looking at really old photographs, there was something great and yet so innocent about the people back then…er sorry, I must stop doing that.

I’ll stop it now.


My name is Andy and I am a company director and personal-development specialist. I have read and studied well over 1,000 self-improvement books and been through the mill of life.

I have had a lot of ups and downs in my life, it has varied from great successes to spectacular failures. I have won many awards but conversely I have done a lot of things I regret.

The lifestyle I was living in my mid-twenties was dubious to say the least, I was a very aggressive, arrogant person but in moments of clarity I yearned to change. This desire led me into personal-development and 1,000 books and a lot of heartaches later I am now sat here, in my suburban home writing this article for you.


I am a big believer in people wanting to change their lifestyles. If I can give something back from my experiences then my efforts will be worthwhile. I am very much into giving kids a decent chance because many kids get dealt a pityful hand of cards in life but I realised long ago you can still win a game of poker with a poor hand, you just have to be more inventive that’s all.

I want to tell you a story about a young child that at seven years old was dismissed as being a failure, someone that needed special-needs trreatment.

This child was bottom of his class, he came 35th out of 35 children from a small town school in Northern England.

I do not think that the child was ‘backward’ in any way, okay comming bottom of the class is no big acheivement but maybe trying to label a kid who was at worst a slow learner as special-needs was a bit harsh, even back then

The headmistress of the school insisted that the very least the child ‘deserved’ was to be put back a year. I have no doubt she would have got her way if it had not been for the intervention of the child’s mother and grandmother. They fought the case tooth and nail and the child duly graduated to the higher year with the rest of his classmates.

Apparantly the headmistress had taught both the mother and grandmother previously and there was a lot of history between them. Unfortunately, she died the following year of a massive stroke and therefor she took her unresolved issues to the grave with her.

You have probably guessed by now that the child in the story was me and I am certain that if I had not had massive support back then I would not be writing for you right now.

The support I received back then galvanized me so much so that it transformed my life.

Within just six months I was up to 14th in the class and within three years I had made it to 4th. I won a grammar school scholarship and ended up finishing 1st there, three years running.

What is the lesson we can all learn from this story?

I think it is this:


What I am about to quote now is on my homepage and it will be there as long as I live.

“Praise your children’s efforts not their ability. Praising their effort will encourage them to work even harder. Praising their ability will make them develop a fear of failure.”

Finally, if you want to really motivate your children do the following three things:

1. Give them proper boundaries, kids love boundaries. Contrary to belief they do not like being able to run riot.

2. The main theme of this article, support them in public.

3. Make time to listen to them and their own personal trials and tribulations.

Regards, Andy.

Personal-Development Made Easy.