Visiting the Doctor

Posted: June 9, 2011 in health, lifestyle, situations, social issues, time management
Tags: , , ,

“Doctors are men who prescribe medicines of which they know little, to cure diseases of which they know less, in human beings of whom they know nothing” – Voltaire (1694 – 1778)

In this day and age the vast majority of people are fortunate enough to enjoy relatively decent health but there comes a time in everyone’s life when they require medical advice and/or treatment. 

Wether to visit the doctor or not is always a tough decision though, the main consideration being, do you feel ill enough to undergo the ordeal?

On the occasions that you do decide to ask for medical guidance, invariably, by the time you have gone through with the whole painful process you wish you hadn’t’ve bothered.

Unmistakeably there are a lot of good doctors out there, afterall the qualification process is lenghy and arduous, (or so the layman is led to believe) but there are a lot of quacks as well.

Before you actually get to see the doctor though you must first make an appointment. That should be easy you may think? – Wrong.

Unless you can prove you are actually close to death, the earliest a doctor will see you is three weeks next Friday.

After much pleeding with the most unpleasant receptionists you could ever have the displeasure of speaking to (everyday’s a bad day for these people) and if you are able to fill the most anti-social part of their schedule, (IE within the next five minutes or five to midnight) you may just manage to get an appointment that same day.

However, before you experience the joy of speaking to the receptionists you must first get through to one of them. This process usually consists of getting aprox 27 engaged dialing tones before finally getting a successful one. (punch the air in celebration – back of the net! – get in there my son. etc)

Of course, this goes unanswered for 5 minutes before eventually ringing off. You frantically press re-dial only to be met with the engaged signal once again… Patience is a virtue.

If patience IS one of your virtues and you have a couple of hours to kill, you will eventually get through. (promise)

“God heals, and the Doctor takes the Fees” Benjamin Franklin  (1706-1790)

When you arrive at the surgery the afoementioned receptionists treat anyone who is not a waiting room veteran with disdain and contempt, as for people who work for a living, they are just looked upon as an inconvenience to the system.

The waiting room experience is another joyous event. Everyone sat there in silence. First you flick through a five-year-old magazine (£1 a day for a few newspapers is beyond the budget – afterall we do only pay 98.4% of our salaries in Income Tax and NI) before reading all the medical literature that’s pasted up on the walls. You then start scrutinizing the room in far greater detail, the colour of the carpet, the type of furniture…

“De dum, de dum, de dum.”

Next you try and guess what everyone else has come for, who looks genuine, who doesn’t, time slows down, and then S-T-O-P-S altogether. Your watch is not broken, it’s just an illusion.

By the time your name is finally called you are aproaching a state of catatonia.

You never see the same doctor twice, unless as previously mentioned you are willing to wait up to three weeks for the pleasure, so most of the actual appointment time is taken up with the doctor familiarising themselves with your notes.

The medical advice you actually receive can be anything from common sense to absolute baloney. Some of the newer doctors have a tendency to read from medical books or consult the internet whilst they’re speaking to you. On occasions doctors will ask YOUR advice on what YOU think the diagnosis is! – Scary.

Invariably you are told to take ‘Paracetamol’ or ‘Panadol’ for a fortnight and return if the symptoms persist, well they do only get paid £150,000 per annum so I suppose it’s unfair to expect too much of them.

In fairness though the system works well because every time you undergo the ordeal of visiting the doctor, it puts you off the idea again for at least another five years, unless that is you become seriously ill and if that happens, God help you.

“My doctor gave me six months to live, but when I couldn’t pay the bill he gave me six months more.” – Walter Matthau

Andy.

http://www.wealthnuggets4u.com

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