Do You Get On With Your Kids?

Posted: October 7, 2010 in parenting, personal-development, relationships
Tags: , ,

The parent-child relationship has always been an interesting one. It’s easy to judge others and accuse them of bad parenting but at the end of the day kids are just people and predominently they just want to be treated fairly.

What do kids look for in a parent, what do our kids look for in us?

Thinking as a kid, I wanted my parents to:

Make me feel safe.
Listen to me when I needed someone to talk to.
Stick up for me.
Encourage me.
Advise me
Show me boundaries.

I suspect our own kids want similar things to what we did.

Have you changed how you treat your kids as they have become older?

I had a French teacher who I thought was wonderful when I was 11. She used to give us treats for doing good work and make up fun games to make the lessons more interesting, she was great.

The only trouble was she treated us exactly the same when we were 16…Hmm, not so cool.

As kids get older, they change…Eureka!

This may sound like an absurd statement but how many of us treat our teenage kids just the same as when they really were just kids

They still need keeping in check and bringing back down to earth from time to time but as our kids get older the parental role becomes more of an advisory one.

You cannot force ANYONE to do something they don’t want to do. A person can give you lip-service but for them to actually do something they have to want to do it for themselves.

Do I see things from their perspective?

If you really want someone to do something then adopt the ‘what’s in it for me’ approach, if I were them what would motivate me to do a thing? Discover what it is and work towards it.

Did I like feeling pressurised as a kid?

ZERO PRESSURE works in all areas of life, relationships, sales, sport. So why should parenting be any different.

There’s a sitcom in the Uk called ‘Absolutely Fabulous’ (Ab-Fab) where the mother and daughter often play role reversal. I believe this can often be a good thing. Your kids will want to start chilling with you instead of the other way around – ZERO PRESSURE.

Should I act up to date or should I act 20 years older than them?

Hmm…I personally wouldn’t recommend swapping clothes or going on about the latest music.

Act 5 years out of date, that should do it. they can remember 5 years ago, so they think you are still in touch but at a safe distance. Act 20 years older and they will think you are still living in the stoneage.

I once asked a young shop assistant if they had the film ‘Braveheart’ in stock. At this time it was about 3-4 years old. I remember feeling quite shocked when she replied that they didn’t stock OLD films.

‘Laurel and Hardy go West’ now that’s an OLD film – Stoneage!

Can I get on better with my kids?

We can all do everything better, we are all lifetime students.

Regards, Andy.

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