How to Find a Partner

Posted: April 2, 2010 in personal-development, relationships, singles
Tags: , , , ,

A few years back now I split up from my long-term partner, the details are not really that important but for the record neither of us were unfaithful, in hindsight I suppose the relationship just ground to a halt, however, she left me and at the time it was very upsetting and I’m not ashamed to admit that in the early days I was a little frightened.

Life is strange though and a few weeks into the seperation I began to find my feet, I felt like I had been released and in fairness my ex-partner probably felt the same way. The most important thing I learned from this experience was this:

If you are not happy with someone then split up from them.

Whatever you do do not keep making excuses, the kids will automatically be happier if you are, you will sort the finances out, your friends will either be loyal or they wont, who cares?

Do not get trapped in a poor relationship, it may be a cliche but life really is way to short to waste it being unhappy.

So anyway you’ve got the background, I was in my early thirties with a longstanding relationship well and truly behind me, I was coping really well, the household chores were a breeze, but they are when you have only yourself to look after but things were so much better than I’d imagined they would be.

The only thing was, being on your own every night, you soon get bored. All the ex-joint-friends scene did not work for me, of course I tried it for a while but it was at best awkward and at the worst downright annoying, they all favoured my ex and besides that there was just too much history. So one night I made a decision and it was not an easy one.

I went out with my so-called friends and told them exactly what I thought about them, I was quite nervous about doing it but in hindsight it was the best thing that I have ever done. Do not feel too obliged to your joint friends, they are just peripheral and rarely have your best intentions at heart, put yourself first, selfishness in this respect is not as bad as people make out.


This was hard and wether a girl could dp it without at least one friend I’m unsure. I went into a strange pub, well away from where anyone would know me and stood at the bar. I am quite a chatty person but there is a bit of a stigma about going out on your own, you must ignore this and just do it.

After about three weekends I started to fit into this new community. I forgot to say, I declined the opportunity to move back ‘home’ after the split and back to all my old mates, I did not want to go back for many reasons, not least was that I had bettered myself and I did not want to give this new lifestyle up.

Maybe I will share more of this story with you at a later date but for now I want to concentrate on the theme of this article:

How a person can find a partner.

This experience and what I learned in my earlier years are absolutely foolproof to finding a partner, one that is attractive and funny, wether they are right for you is a totally different topic and one that I will not discuss here because I do not want to complicate things, I know millions of people, many of them attractive, struggle to find a partner so tonight I am going to concentrate on just that.

I appologise if the following format seems a bit regimented but If you were going shopping or attending an interview then you would probably make a list. If you are serious about finding a partner then you will do it if not then don’t overdo that meal for one in the microwave again tonight.

1. Frequent the same or similar places every week, this will give potential suitors a chance to get to know your movements, do not let the creeps that may tag along put you off, be strong and don’t let them sidetrack you from your ‘goal’ The right person or people, you will get a choice, will start to turn up.

2. When someone you fancy comes into view smile and gesticulate a lot, even if it makes little sense to your friends, by doing this you are sending out massive approachable signals. Also hair preening gives out positive approach me kind of vibes.

3. Do not be afraid to make the first move and if you do just say the first thing that comes into your mind, nothing too heavy, just conversational and see what happens.

4. If I had to give just one piece of dating advice it would be this: Treat all members of the opposite sex as you would your mates. This sounds so simple but it is extremely effective. Obviously I am male but it works just the same for females. If you treat every woman as your buddy they are intrigued, they are so used to men feeding them a line or hitting on them that something happens and they become interested in you.

It happens time and time again and this is why it happens. First and foremost we want our partner to be our best fiend, the sex comes second, it’s not rocket science. We as humans just like to complicate things instead of trusting in core values.

5. Gen up on topical events, listen to the news headlines before you go on a night out, it doesn’t need to be anything too heavy but everyone likes a person that is up to date with what is going on in the world, especially the funny stuff.

6. If the right person does not come along then STAY ON YOUR OWN. The one thing that is worse than not finding the right partner is finding the wrong one.

I think the final point may be too negative to finish on but it is still valid. If you keep repeating your habits and exercise patience Mr/Mrs Right will sail right in and you will have the wherewithall to pull them.

I’m interested , what are your tips on finding a partner, what would you tell the millions of people who are seeking  love?

Good luck,

Andy ONeill.

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